Seeing is Believing & Believing is Seeing

If there's any disciple that gets a bad rap it's Thomas. I mean, how would you like to be know as Doubting Desiree or Doubting Tom, Dick, or Harry? Not exactly the title we'd want to be known as. I'm sure when we get to heaven, Thomas will say, 'Okay! Let's just address ONE thing right now: My name is not DOUBTING Thomas! I mean, I was a MARTYR for goodness sake!'

In all honesty, I love Thomas'...well...honesty! In John 14, he's the only dude to break the silence and say to Jesus, 'we have no idea what you're talking about' (vs 4-5)! Like the other guys weren't thinking the same thing. It's real easy for us to criticize him for his doubt or Peter for his 'foot in mouth' disease, saying 'tsk, tsk!' as we read their stories. But every single person can identify on some level with their humanity and weakness.

Weakness and humanity is not a bad thing. It's when we try to work and reason within our human weakness that we make a mess of things. Admitting our weakness as humans is actually a beautiful, freeing thing because its then that we are able to be filled with God's supernatural strength.

Today, I came to Christ in weakness. I didn't even really realize how weak I was until he began to peel back the layers of my heart. Suddenly I realized: Dang. I'm weary. I'm weak. I just feel like crying. And you know what? This is exactly where Jesus wanted me to be. He wanted me to see my weakness not so that he could reprimand me and say, 'Bad, human! Bad! Bad!'...but so that he could show me my need and then heal my heart. Our heavenly Father is so good. He'll let us kick and scream until we get it out of our system, then he will come and gently touch our heart.

So, what was my tantrum about today? Oh, more than one thing :). I came in MUCH weakness! But this is what I wanted to share...and I know that not everyone will agree or understand. But to me? It's crazy encouraging. I've been holding onto a promise and believing for so long now. But, Father challenged me today asking me what was I believing for? I really believe this is an issue within the church and I'll expound more in just a second. For now, read what the Father told me about my believing for His word. As I began to pray, I saw myself as a little girl in the arms of Jesus. I then saw the Father walk over and rub my head. He bent down and asked me why had I been crying.  I reached my hands out for him and he picked me up, a concerned brow furrowed, and a concerned‘oh’ escaping his mouth. I was clinging to him when I said:

Papa! Don’t let me go. I really just need to be held, don’t I?

My baby. My child. I’ve got you. It’s okay to cry. You feel a bit abandoned deep down. It’s okay.

I don’t know why I feel like this.

You have put on a good front, child. Sometimes faith isn’t denying the problem. You’ve wanted to be strong in believing….but believing without faith, believing apart from me leaves you dry.

...But isn’t faith sometimes, well…trying? Hard? Difficult? Like with what I’m feeling lately?

...Your soul can know my ways even when the trying is taking place, child. I also know, child….that hope deferred makes the heart sick. Faith must produce. It must give way to the skies actually parting or it makes the heart sick. I have given you a promise. Hold on a little longer. The skies will part. Do not let your hope run dry, child. Come back to me, drink from these waters and let your hope be restored. Just a little longer. Endure a bit more. I will come to you like the rain and refresh you. I promise. You need reassurance. I am here today to reassure.

Thank you, Papa. I feel better already. This is the seed of this abandonment? This feeling of hope deferred or delayed?

You must see to believe. Yes, believing is seeing but you must see to believe in fullness. See with your heart first and you will see with the eyes. I do not ask you to simply believe. You will also see. Yes, blessed is the man who has not seen and yet believes. But hear me, child….I am not cruel. I do not make promises I do not keep. Not seeing the answer you believe for is cruel and is wrong. When I give you a promise, I will keep it. You must see to keep believing. So, look for my word to be fulfilled in little ways until the promise comes. Look for what I am doing as a reminder to your soul….what I’ve spoken and what I’m doing in the day to day until it comes in full.

Okay. Soooo, I needed him to explain this a bit more to me because I know the scripture says, 'Blessed are those who have not seen and yet believe.' So, I opened up John 20 and I asked him to expound on these verses:

²⁴ Now Thomas (also known as Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. ²⁵ So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.”

²⁶ A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!” ²⁷ Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.”

²⁸ Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”

²⁹ Then Jesus told him, “Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.”

Explain to me, please, the passage in John 20:24-29 about Thomas and seeing and believing. Confirm what you are speaking to me above please.

Verse 25 – Was his heart open to the testimony?

No, Lord. It was closed. Hard. Unyielding in unbelief.

Are you like this?

No. I think I know why I’m not…but tell me in your own words J

Child, you have never seen me but with the eyes of your heart and yet YOU BELIEVE. You are blessed. You have put your faith in me and yet you have not seen me. It is true faith, indeed! You are blessed among men because you have believed and not seen.

So, balance that then with what you taught me above…’you must see to believe.’

It is as I told you, child. I do not expect you to believe in NOTHING. Belief must have substance. Answers must come or your belief is futile. You must receive the answer to that which you seek in order to keep believing. Do you see?

Yes, Lord! J You really GIVE good gifts to those who love you.

You do not wait in faith for nothing. I WILL give good gifts to you. I will open up the windows of heaven and poor down blessings upon you that you cannot contain! I promise to ACT not just speak in poetic forms.

That makes so much more sense. Thank you, Lord.

I don't know if this will minister to anyone else...but it sure ministers to me. I believe the church for so long now has been believing - believing for revival, believing for lost loved ones, believing for promises in His word....but we've simply gotten into the pattern of merely believing. Simply put, we've lost the expectation that answers MUST follow belief. In other words, we must know in our hearts that God answers. In order to know that...we must SEE it. This is not a lack of faith. I'm afraid some people will see it as such, but believe me, it is not a lack of faith it is trust in God! What the Lord told me to do above is to start looking for answered prayers and his moving in day to day life. This will keep me SEEING which will keep me believing. This will keep me seeing which will keep me believing for the promise I am waiting on to come.

Prayer without answers is not the Kingdom way. We must see God working. He desires not to merely make promises, but to GIVE us the fruit of those promises. Let's keep believing...but let's also start looking!